You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
