thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
