Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
