Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
