so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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