Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
