Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
