You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
