Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
