hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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