My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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