She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
