i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
