he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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