so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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