Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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