he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
