Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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