I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sorry about my life...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
