I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
