as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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