he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
