Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
