you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
