She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
