you traded sex for a burrito?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize