I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
