someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
