Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
