So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Randomize
