I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
