If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
