This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
