Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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