I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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