The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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