I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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