I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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