and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
