Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize