I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
