This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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