you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
