My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
