You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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