I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize