am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
