Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
