Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
