the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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