I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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