Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
