sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
