I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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