I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
