You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
