you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
