So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
