I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
