i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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