I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
