"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just had sex bonerless
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
