I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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