there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
