A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I will pee on everything he values.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
