I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
These tits shall not be calmed
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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