Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
